Gift Ideas for the Religiously-Inclined
December 10th, 2008. Published under Uncategorized. 6 Comments.
‘Tis the season for giving. Give love on Christmas Day. And that includes the religious bigots in our lives. I’ve searched high and low for the perfect gift. Below are some of the things I’m considering. God knows I deserve a medal for this.
“Returns lips to near virgin quality”
This lip balm is for the bigot who’s ultra nice in front of you, but has bad things to say when you turn your back.
“For Liars, Cheaters, and Wrongdoers.”
“Formulated to soothe guilty conscience and kill sins on contact…
Save yourself, save others. Blue Q is the World Leader in Sin Removal Products.”
Sinners are everywhere. This towellete’s sin-washing qualities will surely come in handy for bigots who have appointed themselves to the position of assistant to the saviour . Just one touch and BAM! We’re no longer scarlet but white as snow.
“Guaranteed to help you be worthy and get noticed by the king of kings.”
I want to give this to bigots who have an irrevocable reservation in the heavenly mansion. Many are the times when I don’t feel so beautiful, but they need this more than I do. This kit contains a mirror , lip balm, and hand cream – all the things needed to prettify themselves for that final trip to the kingdom.
This is for me. No, I’m not a bigot. I’m not even religious. I just feel that I need this one. Too bad it’s a refrigerator magnet. It’d be nice if they had this design in pin-back buttons. That way I can wear this around like an amulet to ward off the negative vibes that religious bigots exude.
The last item above is for the bigot who has taken on the task of vanquishing evil. When the beast learns that he’s got a religious bigot for a neighbor.. Pooff! He’ll disappear in the wink of an eye.
6 Comments
chiqui on December 13th, 2008
Ahay, so we’re on the same boat. Bal-an mo naman kung christmas time you have this urge to be good. Kung babatuhin ka ng tao, batuhin mo sila ng tinapay. Kaya lang, I suppose , yong sa akin, ang tinapay ko ay nasa garapon. Tess, these are real products. If you click on the pictures, you’ll be linked to the site that sells them. I came upon the “Lookin Good for Jesus” products when Nayna and I visited the Wacko/Soap Plant store in Hollywood. Daw ka shocking bala nga brand name. In fact they were banned in Singapore. Go to the Blue Q site. Damo pa gid sila products nga sadya. May brand sila nga “Total Bitch” and “Virgin/Slut”. Makadlaw ka gid. Ang magnet and shirt ya sa allposter.com nga site ina. That’s also a good site. In fact may balaklon pa ko nga poster dira, ihatag ko kay Tara kay gin gisi sang bata ko ang Amelie poster ni Tara.
tara illenberger on December 15th, 2008
hahaha. may amelie poster ko da gali? ang pula lang chiq nga japanese version. or soundtrack na lang sang amelie by yann tiersen. pamati-i bala. katahum gid…feeling ko manami-an kamo ni mommy sang music niya.
donditiples on December 25th, 2008
What have you got so bad against bigots?
Merry Christmas!!! God bless you!
TessD. on December 25th, 2008
chiq, merry christmas sa inyo da!
chiqui on December 26th, 2008
same to you, tess.
Don, they can drive you crazy enough to consider atheism.
TessD. on December 12th, 2008
lol..daw pakyawon ko tanan ba! esp. ang lip balm, nami pang give away. so close to home gid, chix! hihi