Between Jessi and Me
May 1st, 2010. Published under Uncategorized. 11 Comments.
They’re gonna bury you today. I can’t be there to pay my last respects. Good thing everyone has left the house, sugar dad to work and the kids to school. I can bleat like a sheep for as loud and as long as I want without any curious little voices asking me what’s wrong.
I have put on my one-and-only, faded purple shirt. I have a picture of a purple flower, picked from my neighbor’s garden when no one was looking, and I’ve posted it just right up there. That’s for you, Jess. Purple for the pancreatic cancer that you battled bravely for two short years.
Here I go again. I’m starting to feel it rising up my chest. Any second now the waterworks will be turned on. I’ve been feeling like a weepy drama queen since last Saturday night, when I suspected that you had died. I shouldn’t be like this, you know. You’re not even a best friend, or a close relative. You’re just a so-so friend, whom I haven’t seen or heard from for close to fifteen years. Then came facebook…and we got reconnected. I suppose now we’re disconnected again. But you left me something valuable. I have copied and saved our facebook message thread below. It will go into a special part of my memory box.
Between Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares and You
Veronica Illenberger Baylon September 7, 2009 at 9:56am
kumusta ang imo mga tests, jess? I hope they were ok.
Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares September 8, 2009 at 6:12am
Chiqui! Ulihi ka na imo ya! Ga-paspasanay na di, wala ka pa ya kapanginlaman! hahaha! They came back with liver lesions and a few lymph node involvements so they staged it at St IV (bisan isa lang ka lymph node ara, it’s a stage IV) but I’m not gonna be put out by any “stage” or whatever. It’s all up to Him this time and I’ve offered up everything to Him. Through Mama Mary, I know I’ll be heard. So, pitch in a prayer for me too, OK? I started chemo last week. Will get it every 2 weeks for a couple of months then we check the scan again. Thanks for being there….it really makes a difference in how I see life everyday, knowing I have friends who care. Take it easy…
Veronica Illenberger Baylon September 8, 2009 at 10:39am
Jess, I’m so sorry.I feel so bad for your kids. It must be hard for them. But I know you don’t want people to feel bad for you. Sige I’ll pray for you and your family.
Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares September 8, 2009 at 12:18pm
Thanks, Chiq! The kids have been resilient through all of this. They keep praying . They keep my spirits up coz they’re so positive. The little one doesn’t understand. But the three have been so positive throughout this whole ordeal. Thanks…I’ll need those prayers.
Veronica Illenberger Baylon September 16, 2009 at 5:42am
jess, I read about Patrick Swayze. remembered you and said a little prayer for you n your family. i hope you will always be beautiful. sometimes, no, make it most of the time, I get irritated by your status updates that are oozing with sunshine (that’s just the way I am-vinegary). but whenever I find myself overwhelmed and defeated by my pretty problems, I think -Why can’t I be as positive as Jessi? you are my sunshine, I guess. God put me in touch with you to remind me that I should be thankful I’m as healthy as a horse. I have nothing to complain about. Thank you. I hope God will not take away my sunshine. Be healthy, OK?
Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares September 17, 2009 at 4:52pm
hahaha! As usual, you crack me up! It’s not always easy putting that smile on my face. I have to face the mirror some days and talk myself through it like I’m talking to a friend. It’s mostly easier said than done, especially on days when I’m not feeling so swell. However, it’s always mind over body. Keep me in your prayers—I need them more now than ever. Sometimes, my emotions get the better of me too. Those are the times I need your prayers. I can’t allow myself some slack emotionally…I give myself time to cry but I do want to appreciate every moment. And it’s hard when you’re depressed. Thanks, Chiq!
Veronica Illenberger Baylon April 25 at 3:18am
Jess, naano ka na? Why r all these people saying “I will miss you” ? It’s 3 AM, I was just about to sleep after watching a movie. I checked FB on my phone for the last time n I saw all those messages for u on your wall. I hope u r still hanging on in there. I hope my worst fears are wrong. My god! I’m so upset now. I don’t think I can sleep. Jess, please be there.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Veronica Illenberger Baylon April 28 at 1:20pm
my god, jessi mae! nasubuan gid ko sang tanan nga posts about your funeral. i know you can’t read this, but i’m writing to you just the same. I don’t really want to make any wall posts about my real feelings, but right now tears are streaming down my face. I can’t believe you are gone. I always thought you’d beat this cancer crap, that’s why, though we were never close friends, the news of your death hit me hard. I keep expecting you to respond to this email right away. that’s how you are. u respond right away. and now there’s nobody there at the other end. it doesn’t matter. i will keep writing to you because it comforts me to do so.
and to think I was thinking of writing to you to suggest that you eat lots of cabbages because they have the best and most effective cancer-fighting chemicals. I don’t know if i did send that email. maybe I deleted it. You must have been at the ICU at that time. I will miss you.
11 Comments
chiq on May 7th, 2010
yes, she did. I keep praying that her family will be okey.
benji belgica on May 14th, 2010
Chiqui, abe mo siguro di ko binabasa ang mga ginasulat mo di.
Anyway, I am one of those deeply affected by Jessi’s passing.
I first met her in 1986 in Assumption. As a teacher,i avoid having favorites but I try my best to be friends with everyone. I don’t know why but we became instant friends the moment she said “good afternoon sir”.She was part of Mariale,like you,I think. So whenever I am in Assumption,and we see each other from a distance, we automatically approach each other and exchange pleasantries. Looking back, i recall the time when I brought Erwin Chiongson(aside being a fitness buff he is also an artist) to Assumption as resource person for my class. We bumped into Jessi and i introduced her to Erwin. As we proceeded our way to my class, Erwin said, “Benji,what a lovely girl.” I can still recall my exact reply to Erwin, ” She is 100% beauty,brains and personality.”
We also got reconnected in FB over a year ago when she sent a message and added me. We regularly communicated since then and though she mentioned something about her health issues I avoided talking about it. What I did was send her youtube songs like: “Don’t worry baby” by Lorrie Morgan,”Friends” by Elton John. She said that it was like ESP because the songs I send her was connected to her thoughts.The last one was “the Journey” by Lea Salonga last February. She said the song was one of her favorites and that she just finished undergoing medical treatment and was thankful for not feeling any pain.
During the opening reception of my art exhibit last April24 I mentioned to my daughter I am worried about Jessi and that I have to check my FB. I wrote Zern and asked her to check on Jessi. She said that she was trying to call her but no answer. Then the following day early morning i received a message from Jessi’s friend Dainty informing me of her passing.
I’m still mourning… I saved her pictures and video in my computer as a remembrance..
Chiqui on May 15th, 2010
sir benj, you know I was debating with myself whether I should post this entry or not. I didn’t want to reveal too much of what I really felt. At the end, I decided it’s okey to be mushy and emotional once in a while. It’s the least that I could do to honor her memory.
Liza on May 19th, 2010
She was sunshine Chiq, and now she will really be shining on us all the time.
Chiqui on May 27th, 2010
so true
Rosario Solis on July 7th, 2010
su, i need your bros. contacts, sorry wala ko facebook as of the moment so I left the msg. here. I need someone to work on our website. thanks.
ridbults prum kwin on August 25th, 2011
i shed tears for this amazing friend of chiqui!
i hope she is happy now with our Creator…
God bless her and her family!
island gurl on September 30th, 2011
Jen Yoro on December 30th, 2011
Hi Chiqui! Sir Benj sent this link to me. May I add this to the compilation I have of Jessia? It’s supposed to be a book but until now i haven’t had it printed yet. E book pa lang… Jessia was our manang in Assumption dorm.
Thanks!
Chiqui on January 17th, 2012
ok
fiona on May 3rd, 2010
hi chiq, jessi touched so many lives. i found out through contessa the other year that jessi and her family were supposed to go back to iloilo for good. but before they left, jessi’s test results were so bad that they decided to stay in the US for her treatment. like you, we were never close friends back in assumption. older na sha sa akon te asta lang kami kamustahanay but through fb, we kept in touch, ga reply sang mga gina post, mga pics. you’re right, she was our sunshine. grabe gid ka brave kag ka positive sa iya. i remember one of her posts was about her chemo during her birthday, and she was so brave and strong about it even if she was in a lot of pain. we’ll all miss her. and i’m thankful we got to know her. i’m sure she’s in heaven now. at least, wala na sha ga suffer.