“Returns lips to near virgin quality”

This lip balm is for the bigot who’s ultra nice in front of you, but has bad things to say when you turn your back. 

“For Liars, Cheaters, and Wrongdoers.”

“Formulated to soothe guilty conscience and kill sins on contact…

Save yourself, save others.  Blue Q is the World Leader in Sin Removal Products.”

Sinners are everywhere. This towellete’s sin-washing qualities will surely come in handy  for bigots who have appointed themselves to the position of assistant to the saviour .   Just one touch and BAM! We’re no longer scarlet but white as snow.

“Guaranteed to help you be worthy and get noticed by the king of kings.”

I want to give this to bigots who have an irrevocable reservation in the heavenly mansion.  Many are the times when I don’t feel so beautiful, but they need this more than I do.  This kit contains a mirror , lip balm, and hand cream – all the things needed to prettify themselves for that final trip to the kingdom.

This is for me. No, I’m not a bigot. I’m not even religious. I just feel that I need this one.  Too bad it’s a refrigerator magnet.  It’d be nice if  they had this design in pin-back buttons.  That way I can wear this around like an amulet to ward off the negative vibes that religious bigots exude.

The last item above is for the bigot who has taken on the task of vanquishing evil.  When the beast learns that he’s got a religious  bigot for a neighbor.. Pooff!  He’ll disappear in the wink of an eye.